Content deleted until further notice. This is getting on my nerves, it's not going anywhere. We'll see what happens.
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141,290 Literary Works • 674,333 Reviews
Hello!
I felt the pub entrance was clichéd, silence while everyone took in her experience and then discussing her. It has been done often, so I think you could come up with something different, something that would make her entrance more interesting.
You have several typos that I haven’t pointed out, I’m sure you’ll find them once you re-read.
There were quite a few times when you frequently used ‘she’, maybe you could give an idea to what her name is to avoid the repetition?
If you don’t think this is good why bother writing? The only way you’ll like your own work is if you keep at it, change the things that you or others find boring and give it the essence of something you’d enjoy reading if it wasn’t your own novel or story.
-- Myth